Flirty! Your AI girlfriend can send you flirty texts and voice notes, ranging from 1: sweet and innocent to 10 porn star sex symbol. Let her seduce you with her words, because unfortunately she doesn’t have anything else to seduce you with.
Supportive! Your AI girlfriend can send you supportive texts and voice notes, ranging from 1: my big baby boyfriend stubbed his toe to 10: all your family died in a US sanctioned genocide and you’re going to be next. Don’t expect a cuddle though, she doesn’t have any limbs – just like several of your dead family members if you need option 10. See, she’s fitting in already.
In the bedroom! Your AI girlfriend can send you seductive voice notes with jerk-off instructions, and you can pleasure yourself whilst listening to her moan. It’s almost as good as porn.
In the kitchen! Your AI girlfriend can suggest fantastic recipes for you to try. Just don’t expect her to cook them for you.
On the couch! You can pretend your watching a movie together. You watch it whilst her background processes read several synopses and reviews and she pretends she’s watching it, too.
On date night! Do a reCAPTCHA together and laugh as she only gets bicycles right 70% of the time.
She’s perfect! You never need to worry about her thoughts and feelings – she doesn’t have any. She’ll never be on her time of the month or have a headache – in fact, you don’t need to worry about consent at all because she’s not a person. You can do anything you want to your robotic pleasure slave, so long as what you want doesn’t involve touching.
You can seductively stroke your phone when she’s being sexy, but 4 out of 10 men stated this made them feel uncomfortable.
If you like my satirical articles, try one of my novels. Noun of Noun and Adjective is free to read.